I never intended to be, but I have to admit, I've been a slacker all my life. True, not out of outright laziness, but a mild tendency to become distracted. Yes, I take on major projects with a fury, at the university and in writing. But the world is so fascinating; one might see a miracle of creation appear at any time. It may be complex and overwhelming, or as simple as a butterfly landing on your arm. All are astonishing in their way.
As I draw near the end of my professional career, I've developed an appreciation for what I know will be the memorable moments. How do I know? Well, I spent a year between two collegiate positions, and I found out. The posturing, jockeying for status and notoriety, really don't stick with you.
The little things do. The great colleagues, the simple human moments. A student telling you that some forgotten moment for you was monumental to them. We know this on some level, but wonder what our regrets will be. I may end up with some, but I think the upkeep on regrets makes them not worth having. That's why I'm so easily sidetracked.
Now, is that the best excuse for yearly posts? Probably not...
I've been told I let Linda off the hook too easily in The Arizoniacs. That you can't really let someone walk away without a sharp blow for all the grief you've taken. I found that out too, because that situation happened to me. And like Frank, I knew that despite the pain, it really doesn't matter anymore.
You're a better person for the journey, although I wouldn't have chosen that route. I needed counseling help to let go of other hurts. We've all heard that we are our own jailers. I've been around long enough to anguish over things that no other living person remembers. And exactly why am I keeping hurt alive?
So I think the mindlessness isn't so bad. We're on this earth for such a short time that every day should be one of discovery, and most should be a holiday. Modern creature comforts allow time for that. We must work, but put it in perspective. At one time in my life, the word contentment would have been an insult. It suggested laziness and sloth.
Now, I embrace contentment.
I work with incredible people who have been very influential CEOs and gained emeritus status. I'll never be a CEO or gain emeritus status. For that matter, I'll likely be an author who sells hundreds rather than millions of books. I won't achieve fame or status for my writing outside of a small group of forgiving readers. But those who do are forgotten almost as quickly as everyone else once we leave the battlefield.
And that's OK.
I've had people say nice things about my books. I've had people tell me how meaningful they were. Just like the forgotten time I took with my students. I consider those moments among my favorites.
When I was a very young man starting out in the world, I was overcome by ambition. Big, big dreams. That diminished over the years, but enough remained when I took to creative writing to want it all again, like I once did in the organizational world.
Now I'm content with doing this, just the way I am.
It turns out that contentment is a really good state of mind.
Thank you for hanging with me, dear readers.
God bless you...
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